Once finished, the song for this show will be “Which Drink?”
Show 11: Ardmore, PA 9.08.2011
Touring is a manic/depressive sort of thing.
This morning, driving out of Baltimore, I turned to Aaron and said something to the effect of “WE ARE CONQUERING THE WORLD”, except I remember it being a little more morning-appropriate. Maybe it was more like “Dude… *nods head*… this is good.”
And yet tonight, I’m losing perspective on the idea that I haven’t toured in two years and I shouldn’t expect to feel like I’m conquering the world every night. I’m borderline despondent.
Let me pause for a second and say this: Catherine Prewitt was a great host, and it was awesome to meet her. It was great to see some old friends (Tina, Stephen, Mike), and Milkboy is a super-cool venue. None of these factors are why I am despondent. In fact, I’m going to just admit it: my bad attitude is my own fault.
Heather texted tonight to let me know that my son Lincoln is having some problems with his eyes. He had surgery on them last month. He’s two. (EDITOR’S NOTE 9/19: Lincoln is completely fine!) If I were home, this would be well within my non-freakout capacity to handle. But from 15 hours away, in the middling nights of a tour, it feels like the end of the world is nigh.
When, in addition, attendance is less than I need to break even for the night, this is a seemingly impossible situation to rise above.
And so, those of you in Ardmore tonight, I’m sorry that I didn’t talk much between songs, and I’m sorry I almost stopped to tell the drunk guy in the back to shut up (I thought better of it, only just). I needed to disappear into my songs tonight. I hope it made for a better performance, but I’m not sure.
This is one of the ways in which I still need to regain my Tour Legs. On one hand, I think (I hope) my transparency is a strength in my songwriting and performing. On the other hand (tonight), I need to be able to maintain a professional facade when I am all ink blots and hurricanes on the inside. I hope my attitude didn’t show through as much as it felt like it did.
(Photo by Tina Freels)